THE SAINT
Directed by Phillip Noyce, screenplay by Jonathan Hensleigh and Wesley Strick, story by Jonathan Hensleigh, starring Val Kilmer, Elisabeth Shue, Rade Serbedzija, Valery Nikolaev..
Bluesy:
You know, Val Kilmer should really try comedy.
Trap:
But he started out doing just that in films like TOP SECRET! And REAL GENIUS.
Bluesy:
Well he should’ve stuck to that stuff instead of trying to take himself seriously. I suspected we were in for trouble from the first scene… some morbidly romantic flashback of how he became the tortured, soulless creature that he now is supposed to be. I mean come on, Val Kilmer, tortured? What did somebody take away his mall privileges or something? Although, I must say he is evenly matched with Elisabeth Shue’s performance as a brilliant but repressed nuclear physicist. They both look like would rather be doing a screwball beach flick instead of this dismal version of the popular British TV series, originally a series of pulp spy novels.
Trap:
True enough. I for one, am baffled as to why the producers picked this source material to begin with. Those who remember the original series aren’t likely to warm to seeing the veddy British Roger Moore replaced by the, like, totally Californian Kilmer while those who don’t aren’t going to care about the series to begin with. This film exemplifies Hollywood’s typically schizoid approach to moviemaking – producers are so scared of taking risks on original material that they’d rather pick a "proven" brand name – even one the majority of their target audience is too young to remember – even if it means subsequently draining it of anything that made it remotely distinctive. It’s instructive, therefore, to note that the name of Leslie Charteris, who wrote the Saint books back in the 1920s, appears nowhere in the film’s credits. Ironically appropriate, given that the filmmakers seem to have no interest in reviving the latter-day Robin Hood of his novels, than to replicate the box office of previous techno-thrillers like MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE.
Bluesy:
I take it you didn’t like the film either
Trap:
No, I didn’t. The plot of THE SAINT is strictly by-the-numbers. Using a variety of high-tech gizmos, freelance thief and master of disguise, Simon Templar (Kilmer), swipes a top-secret microchip from the Kremlin. A sinister Russian politician (Serbedzija), impressed by his daring, hires him to steal the secret of cold-fusion from an Emma Russell, an American scientist, who, as they usually do in these types of movies is also a Total Babe (Shue), if not a terribly convincing physicist, as part of a scheme to take over the government. Naturally, Kilmer and Shue fall in love and spend the rest of the film dodging various goons before finally saving the day. If there’s any aspect of this film that hasn’t been done better and done before, I must have dozed off during it.
Bluesy:
Personally I found myself trying to figure out what to eat for dinner during a large part of it. Not a particularly good sign in a movie (though I did end up with a nice roast beef sandwich at the Carnegie Deli afterwards. A bit overpriced, but at least it gave me something more to chew on than THE SAINT).
And for what it’s worth, I don’t get the Val Kilmer fetish women are supposed to have. I mean, he’s got a nice body and all, and a pretty face, but he just doesn’t look remotely sexy to me. He looks like he’d be spending more of his time looking at himself in the mirror than at me. Ah, but maybe it’s just a matter of taste. What about Elisabeth Shue, did she do it for you, Trap?
Trap:
I feel sorry for her. After toiling in obscurity for years, she finally gets some critical recognition for her performance in LEAVING LAS VEGAS, and what happens? She just winds up playing the sort of gal sidekick part that any reasonably pretty ingenue could do. Oh well, better luck next picture I suppose.
