WHAT TO DO AFTER HE'S DUMPED YOU

AND OTHER REALLY FUN, LIFE AFFIRMING ASSIGNMENTS


The last time you saw your boyfriend he was gunning his car out of your driveway, leaving skid marks on the Kenneth Cole pumps you bought because he liked to see you in heels. Now what? Put yourself in a Buddhist monastery where they won’t let you eat chocolate, or Ben and Jerry’s and certainly not Ben and Jerry’s New York Superfudge Chunk? Set all the books he lent you ablaze from the fire of a candle-lit pentagon; with a mustachioed voodoo doll baring an amazing likeness to him and Bob Costas, tossed in as an aperitif? Call your mother?

At this point, you've probably heard it all, before. It’s going to hurt, but it’ll get better with time. He wasn’t right for you. He wasn’t that good to you to start with. He’s not worth it. You can do better. In which case you take a deep breath, get pumped up with adrenaline, eyes narrowing to a bitchy glare, lips pursed in bitter denouement and say "Yeah! You’re right! Who needs him!," then cower in the corner with a box of Kleenex, a bag of mini Dove bars, and an old pair of socks he left the last time you were doing his laundry.

This time, take some advice of a different drummer.

Sure, there’s nothing you’re going to do that will make up for the few nice things he said or did,or maybe the way he kissed or felt on a particularly good evening, or maybe the fact that it was nice having someone else take out the garbage for a change. But let’s focus on some real, tangential things that might make you feel a bit perkier.